Happy Happy 2006!

Today is the day that I turn over a new leaf. Lately, I have been unhappy about many aspects of my life. My career is withering away through the responsibility of mommyhood, all the moves we've made over the past few years, buyouts of companies I was working for, and not pursuing new clients where I live.

Also, my weight has been bothering me for awhile. This is not me. Mentally, I am not an overweight person. But since I gained 65 pounds while I was pregnant. I have not lost a pound. I lose 10, gain 15, lose 15, gain 10. So here I am, almost 6 years later at the same weight that I walked out of the hospital. I've tried every diet. I do exercise. But I mope around feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that it will never go away. It's too much of a chore. Today, that will change.

The move was hard for me. I loved living in Arizona. And that is where my friends and my heart is. I don't often appreciate where I live now and how much better we have it here than we did there. And instead of being proactive and making friends here and inviting them to do things, I sit in the house and pine away that no one calls and invites me to lunch or to go shopping. But I don't call them either.

Today, two months before my 40th birthday. I resolve to accept who I am instead of mourning the loss of the goals that I had set for myself when I was younger. For that is what I have been doing for the past 6 years. Every goal that I set was suddenly uprooted when a little one entered the world, and six years later, I have not accepted that even though where I am now was not a goal of mine at 30, It is me. It is who I am.

So, today I quit feeling sorry for myself. I am going to put myself back on track, and maybe, just maybe, the other aspects of my life that I am unhappy with will fall into place. No, I'm not the childless, owner of a successful advertising firm, slim, athletic woman, living in a mansion in Scottsdale, driving an expensive car as I pictured myself being at 40.

But I'm not a failure either. I have the cutest child on the planet. I live in one of the most amazing places on earth. I have a nice house and a nice lifestyle. I have good friends and family that care about me. I still have clients that think I'm the best in the industry. I still have the drive and motivation that I had when I was younger buried beneath the "wo is me". So for my New Year's resolution, I'm not going to try to lose weight like my last 5 failed New Year's resoultions. I'm not going to force myself to cold call new clients to rebuild my business (failed resoultion 2005). I'm not going to stress about every detail in my life and how it isn't going as planned. I am going to accept. My new buzzword - "ACCEPT" who I am right now and the rest will fall in place.